I grew up in a family where a doll looking like a Barbie doll, dressed in a frilly dress, kept a tight reign over our (presumably one and only) spare toilet roll.
I also matured with a 3D Jesus clock, hung on the lounge room wall in spite of not one people being even one per cent spiritual.
There were salmon-coloured walls and silky, grey drape pelmets at different phases of my young adulthood.
As an adult, I went on to commit comparable unforgivable interior design criminal activities. We renovated a house at the height of the mid-90s that required a nautical yellow and blue theme. I was especially partial to the ‘suede effects’ paints and, to complement this, acquired a luxurious fabric couch in bright blue with built-in recliner chairs. You’re right: I had no pity (or taste).
But I know I’m not alone, either as a teenager, or as an adult who, actually, ought to have understood much better.
It took me more than a years and the re-modelling of at three homes prior to I realised that really, there’s only one expression you need to remember when embellishing: less is more.
It’s an expression forgotten in these circumstances:
1. The toilet carpet.
Somebody requires to stroll me through this. Which genius believed it would be more effective to have pee-soaked carpet surrounding the bog than easy-to-mop tiles?
2. Carpets made from an actual animal.
Removing the horrible green walls and wicker furniture from this equation, let’s focus: THAT is a real zebra skin. Not cool.
These were big. HUGE. Apart from the apparent unsupported back pain that would eventually result, was nobody else a bit more than nervous (and seasick) sleeping on what was essentially a huge bag of water?
4.The feature wall.
The above mentioned suede paint result that was big in the ’90s covered a myriad of issues. Got a huge hole in the plaster? Covered. For some mysterious reason, we also believed that if we just had actually a various coloured wall, it would boost and sidetrack from the remainder of the home.
5. The blow-up chair
One sharp object and these were cactus.
6. Shag-pile carpet.
Seriously, what the hell was residing in that carpet? It’s not like they had the Dyson drawing power we have today.
7. Carpeted walls.
Why was this ever considered a good appearance?
8. Indoor wicker furniture.
Always considered good “outdoor furnishings”, at some point we chose we must move that shit inside. Mistake.
9. Bean bags.
Granted, these are around today, but they aren’t exclusively used as lounge room seating unless you’re a desperate uni student. There was a point in time, however, that bean bags were considered to be authentic furnishings.
10. Spa baths.
Not only were day spa baths the ONLY type of bath you would think about taking, showers were also redundant.
11. Salmon and grey
Tough to understand how this took hold. But someone who had impact told the remainder of the world that if they wished to decorate their living-room, they required to utilize a combination of salmon pink and grey.
It’s a time we had actually all like to forget. However the memory is scorched into our collective brains.
12. Massive home entertainment units
I can’t even see a television here. But this melamine unit was precisely the very same kind I matured with. It housed WHATEVER. Our hopes, our dreams and, most importantly, 90210.
13. The wooden kitchen area
I did this, so I understand the reasoning behind it. It was all about developing a space that we could ‘get back to the nation in’. It was circa 2003 and it was mind-blowing.
14. The wallpaper border.
Not content with a wall of plain colour? Not prepared to go complete wallpaper? Thank god for the wallpaper border. Bunnings had an exceptional offering, and it’s simple to see why a number of us got suckered into it.
15. The pelmet.
Why stop at the drape? You can dress that shit up and look all fancy. Massive in the late 90s, drape business must have been thanking their lucky stars.
16. The plastic sofa cover.
Still discovered at grandma’s house, this was even a thing for routine folk at one point. The thinking? “I’m not going to splash all that money on a couch just to have CHILDREN rest on it”?
Whether you physically gathered it yourself, or just bought it an expensive shop, this fad overtook many an noughties lounge room.
How about you? Did you mature in or go on to embellish your own home in design you are now bewildered by? We ‘d like to know in the comments listed below.